$207 Million

Each day for the past 6 years, I have passed by The Gateway Newstand in the train station. And each time I pass by, I see the signs for the various lottery's and the jackpot amounts prominently displayed. Nearly two weeks ago as I was walking by I noticed the mega millions lottery sign - $207 Million! For the next 10 or 15 minutes I thought about that jackpot. I thought about all the things I could do... all the "positive" things I could do with that much money. Some thoughts were very noble, while others were pretty silly - such as buying the two houses next to mine and knocking them down so my boys could have a real yard to run around in. I didn't really think much of this the rest of the day, until it was time to go home.

While walking through the train station to catch my train home, I again passed by the lottery signs and saw $207 million. This vast sum of money was stuck in my head, but this time my thoughts were different. As I sat on the train thinking about my thoughts from the morning, I realized having $207 million would be the worst thing that could happen to my soul (in case you are wondering - no, I did not buy a ticket). I determined that although this could provide for so much, in the end it might very well cost me many times more than what I could ever have gained. It would ultimately eliminate my need to trust God. It would ultimately lead me to a place where I would be seduced by the lie that I no longer needed to trust in my Father; Jehova Jira - the God who provides.

You see, this past year... maybe going on two years now, I have realized you can experience peace in the midst of pain and struggle. Financially there have been deep valleys. There has been a long journey through the desert with seemingly no hope in sight. During these times there were many days when I simply chose to try to take control and think of ways that I could solve these problems rather than depend upon God. These efforts were all in vain. But God is good, He is faithful... and He has never left us. He may not drop bread from the sky, but He still sends manna... He still makes provisions for His children.

It is hard for me to write this - because I still struggle with it daily... but my soul would rather live a life requiring dependence than a life of affluence (my flesh on the other hand...). I would rather struggle the rest of my life financially knowing that God is enough and needing Him, than to live a life of plenty and rely on myself and my own abilities.